Family Recipes and Heirloom Stories — The Letter of Wishes

Some things are too personal for a legal document. Family recipes, the story of how grandfather's watch crossed the ocean, why you're leaving the cottage to one child and not another — these belong in a Letter of Wishes, the non-binding companion to your Canadian Will.

What a Letter of Wishes is #

A document that accompanies your Will but isn't part of it. Used for:

• Non-binding guidance to the executor
• Stories and context
• Personal messages
• Specific instructions that don't need legal force

Key characteristics:

• Not legally binding
• Doesn't require formal execution (no witnesses, no probate)
• Can be updated freely without re-executing the Will
• Private — doesn't become public record like a probated Will
• Captures what the Will can't

Why not just put everything in the Will #

Two real reasons.

The Will becomes public. After probate, the Will is part of the public court record. Anything in it — including personal messages, reasons for specific decisions, family criticisms — becomes accessible to anyone who looks it up. That's the wrong place for "Mary, I want you to know..."

The Will is hard to update. Formal execution requires signatures and witnesses (for typed Wills). A small change requires either a codicil or a new full Will. A Letter of Wishes can be updated by typing a new version and replacing the old.

What belongs in a Letter of Wishes #

Family recipes #

The recipes that matter:

• Grandmother's tourtière, with the right ratio of pork to beef and the secret spice blend
• The Sunday dinner roast technique that took 40 years to perfect
• The Christmas cookie recipe that came over from the old country
• The fudge that everyone asks for

Recipes don't need legal authority. They need to be written down somewhere the family will find them.

Heirloom stories — the provenance #

Items mean more when their story is known:

• "This watch was my father's father's. He bought it in Halifax in 1947 with his first paycheque as a shipyard worker. He gave it to me on my 18th birthday in 1972. I want it to go to my eldest grandson with this story."
• "The quilt was made by my mother and her sister in the winter of 1958. Each block represents a year of their childhood. The brown square in the centre is from the dress I wore to my first communion."
• "The painting is by [artist]. We bought it at an auction in Toronto in 1989 when we couldn't really afford it. It hung in every house we lived in. I want my daughter to have it."

The item is the bequest; the story is the gift.

Reasons behind specific decisions #

Especially for unusual provisions:

• "I'm leaving the cottage to my son James because he's used it the most and his children grew up there. I love my daughter Sarah equally, and the cash equalization in the Will reflects that. I don't want this to cause family conflict."
• "I'm leaving a substantial bequest to the [Charity]. They helped me through [event] in [year], and I've supported them quietly for years. I want my family to know this was a deliberate choice that mattered to me."
• "I'm not including [relative] in my Will. This isn't out of anger — we simply lost contact decades ago, and they're not a part of my life. If they surface, please be kind, but the distribution stands."

The Will makes the disposition; the Letter of Wishes explains the why. Significantly reduces family disputes.

Messages to specific people #

What you want them to know:

• "Tom — be patient with your sister. She'll come around."
• "Emma — the box of letters in the attic is for you. Read them when you're older."
• "James — I'm proud of who you've become. The struggles were worth it."
• "Sarah — the recipes are for you. Pass them on."

Not legal instructions. Just things people deserve to hear.

Care guidance for pets #

The Will may name the caregiver and provide funds; the Letter of Wishes can capture the specifics:

• Dietary preferences and feeding schedule
• Veterinarian and medical history
• Walking routes the dog loves
• Bedtime routines, favourite toys
• Specific personality quirks
• End-of-life preferences

See estate planning for pet lovers.

Funeral specifics that didn't fit in the Pre-Planner #

If you have a Funeral Pre-Planner, most funeral details go there. The Letter of Wishes can capture:

• Specific stories you'd like shared at the service
• Songs that mattered for specific reasons
• Specific people you want to speak
• Specific memorial requests beyond the funeral itself

Family history #

The information only you carry:

• Where the family came from
• Why grandparents emigrated
• The cousin nobody talks about and why
• Family recipes' origins
• Specific dates, names, places that should be preserved

Photos with context #

A box of photos without context is just photos. A box with notes — "this is your grandmother in 1962, the year she came to Canada; she's standing in front of the boarding house she lived in for two years before she met your grandfather" — is family history.

The photos themselves can be specific bequests (or part of residual digital assets); the captions belong in the Letter of Wishes.

What does NOT belong in a Letter of Wishes #

Anything you want legally enforced. If you want a specific item to go to a specific person, that goes in the Will as a specific bequest. The Letter of Wishes is non-binding.

Specific account details, passwords, or access credentials. These belong in a Life Discovery Kit or equivalent secure document — not loose with the Will.

Anything inflammatory. The Letter of Wishes can be discovered after death. If you wouldn't want the named person to read it, don't write it.

Format and tone #

Informal and personal. The Letter of Wishes is yours — write it however you want.

Common formats:

• Single document with sections
• Multiple letters to specific people
• A binder with photos, recipes, and stories
• An audio or video recording (with a written version too, for clarity)

Tone:

• First person
• Personal
• Direct
• Often emotional

Some testators write it like a long letter; some structure it with headers; some make it a family album.

Storage #

With the Will — sealed envelope kept with the original Will is the most common approach.

With the lawyer — if a lawyer holds your Will, they can hold the Letter of Wishes too.

With the Funeral Pre-Planner — natural pairing.

In a labeled folder — with other estate documents in a known location.

Make sure your executor knows it exists and can find it.

Updating #

Update freely:

• Annually during Will review is common
• After major life events
• When new stories or messages occur to you
• Whenever you want

Date each version. Old versions can be destroyed when replaced.

A specific suggestion — start now #

Many Canadians intend to write a Letter of Wishes "someday" and never do. The recipes never get written down; the watch's story dies with the wearer.

A short, imperfect Letter of Wishes — written this weekend — is infinitely better than the perfect one that never exists. Start with the most important thing:

• The recipe everyone asks for
• The story of one heirloom
• One message to one person

Update from there.

What we focus on at It's Simple Will #

The Will Creator produces the formal Will. The Letter of Wishes is a separate document you create yourself in whatever format suits you. Pair them together — Will for legal authority, Letter of Wishes for everything else.

Related guides #

• What can you leave in a Canadian Will?
• Specific bequests — ademption, lapse, and identification failure
• Loyalty points and airline miles at death in Canada
• Credit card rewards points at death in Canada
• Estate planning for pet lovers
• Wills with digital assets
• Funeral pre-planning Canada
• Talking to a loved one about their funeral wishes