Family Meetings About the Will — When, How, and What to Cover
The family conversation about a will is one of those things many Canadians intend to have and never do. The will sits in a drawer; family knows only generalities; surprises emerge at death. A structured family meeting prevents most of this and is among the highest-leverage practices in estate planning.
Why hold a family meeting
Reduces dispute risk. Family members who know the will's structure in advance generally accept it. Surprised heirs sometimes contest or feel wronged.
Allows questions. Heirs can ask about reasoning, ask about specifics, suggest considerations the donor hadn't thought about.
Shares the executor burden. The executor learns what to expect, asks about specifics, and starts to understand the role.
Allows the donor to explain decisions. Charitable bequests, unequal child treatment, specific gifts — explanations from the deceased are more credible than explanations after the fact from the executor.
Documents the donor's mental capacity. A family meeting where the donor clearly explains their decisions is informal evidence of mental capacity at the time the will was made — useful if any later challenge arises.
When to hold it
After the will is drafted. Speaking from a settled plan is easier than speaking from possibilities.
Before any health crisis. Don't wait for an end-of-life situation; have the conversation while you're well.
Periodically. Every few years; more often after major life events or will changes.
Not at a holiday or family gathering. Schedule deliberately as its own event so it doesn't feel like a death conversation crashing a celebration.
Who to include
Core attendees — spouse (if any), adult children, executor and backup executor.
Optional attendees — adult siblings (especially if named in the will), lifelong friends or others named as beneficiaries, adult grandchildren if they're named as beneficiaries, the family lawyer if family wants structured legal context.
Generally not — minor children (age-appropriate later conversations), distant relatives not named in the will, in-laws not specifically named.
How to structure it
Opening. Set the tone — you're sharing your plans so family knows your wishes, not seeking approval.
Overview of the will's structure. Who's executor; who's the backup; how the estate is divided in general terms; whether there are specific gifts; any charitable bequests.
Reasoning behind unusual decisions. Unequal child treatment, choice of charity, specific gifts — explain your thinking.
Practical logistics. Where the will is stored; who has copies; lawyer's contact; location of important documents; the Life Discovery Kit if one exists.
Executor role explanation. What the executor will need to do; that the executor will be supported by lawyer, accountant, and family.
Questions and discussion. Time for family to ask, suggest, react.
Closing. Document that the meeting happened; confirm what was shared.
A meeting like this typically runs 60-90 minutes. Have water, comfortable seating, and follow with a meal or coffee if appropriate.
What to share — and what to keep private
Generally share — overall structure, executor identity and contact, location of documents, reasoning for major decisions, charitable bequest information, any specific item bequests.
Optionally share — specific dollar amounts (some families do, others don't), specific RRSP/TFSA designation details, life insurance details.
Generally don't share — financial passwords or sensitive access information (those go in the Life Discovery Kit with controlled access), legal documents you haven't reviewed with your lawyer.
Handling difficult conversations
Some specific dynamics that come up:
Unequal child treatment. Often legitimate (one child needs more support, one received substantial lifetime gifts, one has different earning capacity). Explain reasoning; family who hears the explanation generally accepts.
Charitable bequest reducing family inheritance. Address the tax math (see our talking-family article) — the family inheritance is reduced by less than the charity receives, because of the tax credit.
Choice of executor. Sometimes family members feel slighted not to be chosen. Explain that executor work is significant and you wanted to spare family members from the burden, or chose based on specific skills.
Specific gift disputes. "I wanted Grandma's ring" — heard in advance, can be discussed; heard at death, can create lasting hurt.
What we focus on at It's Simple Will
The will questionnaire generates a structured will that's clear to explain in family meetings. The Life Discovery Kit provides the practical document family members can refer to about logistics.
Related guides
Citations & sources
- [1]Canadian Bar Association — Estate planning — Canadian Bar Association
- [2]Canadian Association of Gift Planners — CAGP
Frequently asked questions
Is a family meeting necessary?
Not legally — wills are valid without family knowledge. But practically, family meetings substantially reduce post-death dispute risk. Heirs who knew about the will's structure in advance generally accept it; heirs surprised at death sometimes contest, suspect undue influence, or feel hurt by unexpected provisions. The meeting is one of the highest-leverage estate planning practices.
When should I hold the meeting?
After the will is drafted (so you can speak from a settled plan rather than possibilities) but before any health crisis or end-of-life situation makes the meeting feel pressured. Most planners suggest a routine review meeting every few years, with additional meetings after major life events or significant will changes.
Who should attend?
Adult primary beneficiaries (spouse, adult children) at minimum. Executor and backup executor (so they understand their roles). Sometimes others — adult siblings, lifelong friends named in the will, or others whose understanding matters. Children under the age of majority typically don't attend; the meeting can be age-appropriate at a later time as they mature.
Where should it be held?
Calm setting, not at a holiday gathering or other emotionally-charged event. A scheduled meeting at home, at a restaurant, or in some neutral comfortable space. Some families hold the meeting at the lawyer's office to add formal structure; others keep it informal. Match the family's comfort.
What if family members disagree with the plan?
Listen, explain your reasoning, and make your own decision. The will is yours — family input is valuable but not binding. Common disagreements — unequal treatment of children (often justified by need or prior gifts during life), substantial charitable bequest (covered in our dedicated article), specific gifts of family heirlooms, choice of executor. Each can usually be discussed without destroying the relationship.
Should I share the specific dollar amounts?
Personal choice. Some donors share full details; others share structure (who's beneficiary, executor role, location of documents) without specific amounts. Detailed amounts can become uncomfortable if family circumstances change. A middle ground — share structure and reasoning; share that 'amounts are documented and will be clear at the time.'